Hey there my friend: This week, something different, since it's Halloween on Monday, check this out: (And read all the way to the bottom for clues to winning the Prize!)
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and
some days you're the statue.
Cooking lesson #1: don't fry bacon in the nude.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you for the rest of the day.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the
problem!
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency
to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try
kick boxing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply
to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never eat yellow snow.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same
time, because then you don't have a leg to
stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your
time and annoys the pig.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so
sleep late.
When everything's coming your way, you're
in the wrong lane.
Q: What's green, fuzzy has four legs and if it fell out of a tree and could kill you?
A: A pool table!
Why do all the other vegetables like the mushroom? Because they heard he was a fun-guy.
Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't control her pupils.
Why does an Eskimo wash in tide? Because it's too cold out tide.
How do you top a car? 'Tep on the break, 'tupid.
Why is the ocean always so grouchy? You'd be grouchy too if you had crabs all over your bottom.
Why didn't the kangaroo mother want her baby to watch too much TV ? Because she didn't want her baby to become a pouch potato.
What did the hotdog say when he crossed the finish line? "I'm a wiener! I'm a wiener!"
What did the princess say when she dropped her roll of film at the one hour photo mat?
Some day my prints will come.
More Jokes!
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...
What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...
What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...
The Story of the Jack-O-Lantern (For the Quiz, Silly!)
The Irish brought Jack-O'-Lantern to America. Jack was a legendary, stingy drunkard. He tricked the Devil into climbing an apple tree for a juicy apple and then quickly cut the sign of the cross into the tree trunk, preventing the Devil from coming down. Jack made the Devil swear that he wouldn't come after his soul in any way. The Devil promised. However, this did not prevent Jack from dying. When he arrived at the gates of heaven, he was turned away because he was a stingy, mean drunk. Desperate for a resting place, he went to the Devil. The Devil, true to his word, turned him away. "But where can I go?" pleaded Jack. "Back where you come from," spoke the Devil. The night was dark and the way was long, and the Devil tossed him a lighted coal from the fire of Hell. Jack, who was eating a turnip at the time, placed the
coal inside and used it to light his way. Since that day, he has traveled the world over with his Jack-O'-Lantern in search of a place to rest. Irish children carved out turnips and potatoes to light the night on Halloween. When the Irish came to America in great numbers in the 1840s, they found that a pumpkin made an even better lantern, and so this "American" tradition came to be.
Three questions for the quiz:
1. What did the princess say when she dropped off her photos?
2. Why do vampires need mouth wash?
3. Where did "Jack" place the lighted piece of coal?
Okay, now call Kevin's office at 508-910-1855, and leave a message with the answers to the above three questions! Now how easy is this, huh? See you Monday!
Peace and Joy,
Kevin
| 
